Can't Let You Go
by DarkJadedRose
Summary: Song fic: Kagome goes over her relationship with Inuyasha


My first but much anticipated (by me) Inuyasha one-shot. I wrote this song a while back and realized when I saw the season finale of Inuyasha that it fit, so I was planning to write this but avoided it since the song bothers me. I hope you enjoy it.  
  
Song: Can't Let You Go by Samantha R.  
  
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Kagome sat in front of the tree that once held Inuyasha hundreds of years ago. She stared up at it and touched its peeling bark. A tiny laugh erupted at the thought of how it stood there, rooted to the ground, regardless of the threats it received to be torn down, her own relationship cracking when the slightest bit of upheaval came forth.  
  
She leaned against it and felt it's coolness along her back, bare because of the pretty halter dress she wore for her date with Adam, the latest guy in her life.  
  
She sighed heavily, regretting her visit. Slowly she had begun her life again, minus Inuyasha. She had gotten to the point where he was merely a speck in her mind's eye but now the memories flowed through her like a rushing river.  
  
She opened her purse and pulled out the dark red, leather diary she had bought on impulse since running from Inuyasha that horrid night. Her fingers moved the calligraphy pen, and a song was being written in place of the empty page with curved writing.  
  
I fell in love, with you again. I don't know where it ends or begins…  
  
Such a long time had passed since she had allowed herself to feel what she didn't want to. She had taken over her heart and limited its emotions. But now that she thought of the way his fangs glinted in the sunlight, and how his white hair fell constantly over gold eyes, she felt her heart convulse and renew its beating.  
  
I cried my tears, as I fell apart. The pain it torments me, overwhelming my heart…  
  
She lasted days locked up in her room. No food had passed from her lips since the cruel moment that she had witnessed his embrace with Kikyo. She had cried until she had fallen asleep in exhaustion.  
  
Her eyes had swelled and her face had cracked as the salty tears sunk in and dried against the delicate softness of her skin. She hid herself in her bathroom and allowed the scorching water to burn her flesh and give her a reason more to cry.  
  
And I feel the wind that soothes your caress. Perhaps one quiet day I will forget.  
  
A dry tear flowed down her cheek, dry because it all had dried out and the tear was merely a memory of tears that she had used up, a mental tear that she felt but didn't shed. Her mind remembered how he had rubbed his thumb along her cheek bone. He had done it every time he had rescued her, or found her after a battle. He had done it quickly before yelling at her for whatever she had done to cause him to worry, or care.  
  
Her memories fought her common sense to become completely visible. She had momentarily forgotten the tiny, insignificant actions he had taken and began to see them for what they really were but had seized at that point to be.  
  
But while your face abides within my soul, even though I try so hard to let you go…  
  
She closed her eyes and he began only as a small, lined replica of a person before being filled in as if a painter was completing his image in her mind. The painter perfected Inuyasha until he was like a photograph, a still of one of his most open moments.  
  
He had been sitting cross legged on the very tip of a hill, watching the sunset while she and the others had been goofing around at the lake. She looked up at him and he had stared back. His eyes said something that she hadn't understood at the time, but that she now knew and that she was sure had faded.  
  
My heart keeps coming back to you; it just won't let you go  
  
I Long to be with you, only one thing I know  
  
No matter how hard I fight it, I can't seem to deny it  
  
You're soul keeps calling me…  
  
***  
  
She sat across from Adam, his pale blonde hair and light, hazel eyes glittering because of the candles in the restaurant. He had the slightest quirk of having canines, that weren't sharp at all.  
  
She winced, she was trying to get what she wanted through someone who couldn't give it to her and as he spoke about himself she opened her journal to the page marked with her felt tipped pen and continued to write, beneath the table.  
  
I held your hand, through the fire, though my heart ached with desire.  
  
She knew that he loved Kikyo; that his heart had belonged to her so long that it had etched her name into his life, along with the wounds of her betrayal. And even with that knowledge she had allowed herself to play second fiddle.  
  
She dropped her pen and felt the burn in her nose that became a signal that she was losing it.  
  
"Excuse me," she muttered and went to the bathroom to wet her face and regain control. When she returned to the table she noticed him reading the open journal she had dropped ob the table, upside down. "I'm sorry. I have to go," she said and grabbed her book before running off.  
  
She hopped the first taxi that came her way and shivered in the seat, trying to find comfort in the cool leather interior.  
  
I'm so confused, I need your love. To be your friend, isn't enough.  
  
All that time, wasted. It was a waste because it bought about nothing useful, a few shards that didn't mean anything when all she really wanted was him. And while he found refuge in her friendship, in her ever open arms, his mind was on Kikyo that with all her hatred and tragedies, she owned something Kagome could never have.  
  
She closed her fists and her long nails cut into her skin, leaving half moons that would surely become infected. Once again the dry tears appeared and she imagined screaming and crying and just going insane but she merely longed for him in silence.  
  
And I hear your voice it draws me to the place, where we met before and where I saw your face…  
  
"Stop," she whispered and oddly the driver heard her and stopped in front of the worn park that held her only link to him. She stood in the front of the tree and fell to her knees, scraping them in the process. Her heart stuttered as she heard his voice asking her to come home.  
  
She envisioned him near the well, sitting, watching, and waiting for her to come back with another inane excuse on why she chose to return. He had waited near the well for days the last time she had gone. She closed her eyes and ran her finger down the bark. It became his cheek and she pressed her finger against it. Remembering his pale cheeks, and how cool they had been when she had first hugged him and had felt its assurance. Then she winced when she felt the thorn enter her skin and opened her eyes to remember that he was not there.  
  
And my heart is full of burnt and trembling pain, remembering the day you said my name…  
  
She ignored the pain of the prick as she pulled the thorn out. Her ear was pressed against the bark and she could hear their conversation, that day that she had told him who she was, and the day he had called her 'Kagome'. And it was more than she could bear. She hated it; she hated how she could hear him. Every bit of conversation dripped from that tree like dew. Every memory flashed before her eyes as she remembered their petty arguments, the times she had ran to her home, safe and sad.   
  
And the days she had returned their and how she had thrown herself into his arms, and his hanging limply to his side until he had managed to touch her and she wished that she had stayed naïve, just for the benefit of pretending that they could be.  
  
My heart keeps coming back to you; it just won't let you go  
  
I Long to be with you, only one thing I know  
  
No matter how hard I fight it, I can't seem to deny it  
  
You're soul keeps calling me…  
  
***  
  
Kagome went home and packed up her bags. She put in fresh supplies and left a note on her bed. She looked back and kissed the cool wall, leaving her lips there to keep the memory of her home. She disappeared through the window and unboarded the well that held a passage she had sworn not to cross. All she had longed for was gone, and she knew she had nothing but what he was willing to give.  
  
I gave up on my hope, I have to let you go, to see you find your way home…  
  
She appeared on the other side and found him fast asleep, his ears twitched and before he could awaken she touched his face. And he turned towards her hand, and she exchanged her palm for her lips and tenderly kissed him, knowing that only she would remember for the time being and that it would have to be enough for the rest of her life.  
  
But…  
  
My heart keeps coming back to you; it just won't let you go  
  
I Long to be with you, only one thing I know  
  
No matter how hard I fight it, I can't seem to deny it  
  
You're soul keeps calling me…  
  
I can't let you go…  
  
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I just depressed myself! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Review please 


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